Category Archives: Action

Vikings (season one: a hipster gospel)

(series, 2013 – ) 7/10 In a fjord, in the land of the midnight sun, some time quite recently, vikings kept it real.  First, look at the blue eyed one. Yes, this hip guy.  This morning he got up and … Continue reading

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Blackhat

6 / 10 I remember my first computer.  Might as well have bought a $900 deck of cards.  Turns out, while I was shooting the stuffing out of the moon on the Hearts table, other more ambitious computerers were learning how … Continue reading

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Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

Guest review by Chook. 8 / 10 Recently, with slack-jawed incredulity, I learned that, according to Courtney Love “her tryst with Coogan put her off cocaine”.  To out-cocaine and presumably out-asshole Love, Steve Coogan is either a rhinoceros, or sewerage. I’ve gotten … Continue reading

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The Purge

5/10   (2013)   If you’ve ever flown Tiger Airways, you’ve had the urge to kill another human.   Obviously, you don’t. That would be illegal. However, if it wasn’t illegal, both the unhelpful mouse-faced woman at the booking desk … Continue reading

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R.I.P.D.

Guest review by Tips. 2/10 So Ryan Reynolds has a Bacon number of 1.  I guess that’s something positive we can take from R.I.P.D. In this lamentable scraping of the bottom of the comic book adaptation barrel, Ryan Reynolds plays … Continue reading

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The Lone Ranger

Guest review by SMH. 4 / 10 Gore Verbinski is back with Pirates of the Caribbean: Wild West.  He’s clearly caught the curse of the Black Pearl, because everything he does now seems to have Johnny Depp in it.  Does he … Continue reading

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The Counselor

3/10 (2013) We all make mistakes. Just ask Cher. To begin with, look at her head. Despite being almost 100% recyclable, Cher – singer, actress and potential vampire – explained the concept of regret to the rest of the planet … Continue reading

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Road House

6 / 10 1989. In Road House, Patrick Swayze plays the coolest guy in the universe.  His name is Dalton and he’s a bouncer.  Don’t worry, he’s not the kind of bouncer you and I are used to.  For a start, … Continue reading

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Captain Phillips

9/10 This is the true story of when Tom Hanks got kidnapped by Somali pirates. It’s clear from the start Tom Hanks is a nice guy. Not only is he Tom Hanks, but he loves his family and dusts his … Continue reading

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White House Down Vs. Olympus Has Fallen: A Comparative Study

If you happen to be the President of The United States, 2013 is not your year. Barack, if you’re reading this, stock up on UP&GOs, lock the door of the Oval Office and hide under the desk – the terrorists … Continue reading

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