Captain Phillips


Captain_Phillips_PosterThis is the true story of when Tom Hanks got kidnapped by Somali pirates. It’s clear from the start Tom Hanks is a nice guy. Not only is he Tom Hanks, but he loves his family and dusts his shoes before entering buildings. That, my dear readers, is how movies build sympathy for heroes.

“It’s tough out there”, he tells his wife. “Fifty people competing for the same job”.

Then we cut to a Somali beach where fifty people fight for the same job: of getting in a dinghy and hijacking an enormous international cargo ship. Piloted by Tom Hanks. Wrong freakin ship, boys.

And thus Captain Phillips had me hooked from the start.

This is Hollywood at its finest. Tom Hanks at his finest. Somalis at their finest. Everything is fine.

It’s the best film of 2013. That’s right Gravity. Better than you. Get lost Diana, who even invited you?

There are so many good things about Captain Phillips. The tension. Willy already used all the good tension jokes in his legendary review of Argo. There are literally no tension jokes left. But this movie is tense. Tenser than a Rineheart family dinner.

Tom HanksThen there’s the action. Oh lordy the action. Twenty crew. Four armed Somali pirates. One cargo ship. And one. Tom. Hanks. Our loyal readers will know I only punctuate the stuffing out of my sentences when I really. Mean. Business.

Now to have all that action on a huge cargo ship off the Somali coast is one thing. But what if you took that action and condensed it into the confines of a tiny lifeboat? And then threw in the US freakin Navy? Plus a drone? Plus some Navy freakin SEALs? And what if you hired a soundtrack guy to play the timpani non-stop for the final 90 minutes, building to a crescendo where Tom Hanks basically… oh, but that would ruin it for you.  SO MUCH ACTION!

Now I’m sorry to say there is one thing -or should I say person- this movie lacks. Again, our loyal readers will already know. That one element that every film needs to reach its true potential. That yeast that helps the cinematic dough rise. That MSG that makes the cinematic chow-mein taste better. That nitrous oxide that helps your cinematic Honda Civic’s internal combustion engine reach speeds that you could probably reach easily if you just had something better than a Honda Civic in the first place.

Yes, I’m talking about Liam. Freakin. Neeson.

Otherwise, a tremendous film.

See it then thank me below.

About Dicker

Dicker enjoys watching movies and eating duck.
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4 Responses to Captain Phillips

  1. Willy says:

    A bloody good film and a fitting review. I saw the 9.15pm session which, for even most good movies, would normally mean that by 10.15pm I’d be fast asleep in the comfy embrace of a Dendy cinema chair; but not for Captain Phillips! I was engrossed until the lights came back on.

    I had a chuckle at how well the Somalis acted – in all of their film debuts. Surely Academy Award winner and classically trained actor Tom Hanks must have had at least a passing thought that what he was ahieving with decades worth of experience and critical acclaim behind him, the Somalis were also achieving with a few dead-eyed stares and cunning broken-tooth grins. But then he pulled his socks up at the end of the film, went “into shock”, and reminded us that he’s Tom Fricking Hanks.

  2. Eddie Gandevia says:

    You make me want to be a loyal reader. Love it.

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