Author Archives: The Cat

About The Cat

The Cat spends almost all his time sitting cross-legged on the cold floor of a small, rented flat working hard on his script for a motion picture adaptation of the 90's video game "Lemmings".

The Purge

5/10   (2013)   If you’ve ever flown Tiger Airways, you’ve had the urge to kill another human.   Obviously, you don’t. That would be illegal. However, if it wasn’t illegal, both the unhelpful mouse-faced woman at the booking desk … Continue reading

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The Other Woman

3/10 (2014) You know you’re in for a real treat when the opening credits begin and the first words you notice are “Starring Nicki Minaj”. This’ll be good. Nicki Minaj. She’s a thing, isn’t she? What’s the worst that could happen? … Continue reading

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The Counselor

3/10 (2013) We all make mistakes. Just ask Cher. To begin with, look at her head. Despite being almost 100% recyclable, Cher – singer, actress and potential vampire – explained the concept of regret to the rest of the planet … Continue reading

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White House Down Vs. Olympus Has Fallen: A Comparative Study

If you happen to be the President of The United States, 2013 is not your year. Barack, if you’re reading this, stock up on UP&GOs, lock the door of the Oval Office and hide under the desk – the terrorists … Continue reading

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Deep Impact

6/10 1998 was a pretty bad year for Earth. Humanity had only recently recovered from the events of Independence Day (1996), the fury of Dante’s Peak (1997) and the release of Shawn Mullins’ soft rock single “Lullaby” and then boom, … Continue reading

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Flight

8 / 10 (2012) Aeroplanes are mental, aren’t they? I mean, just look at them. All that? Up there? Going really fast and stuff? How could it not fuck up? Occasionally, planes crash. They crash for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes … Continue reading

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Frost/Nixon

9/10 (2008) Next week, Oprah Winfrey, the human car alarm, will sit down with disgraced cyclist and all-round egomaniac Lance Armstrong to discuss the unravelling of his recent web of lies. Unfortunately, instead of giving Armstrong a deserved grilling, I … Continue reading

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Magic Mike

3 / 10 (2012) “We should watch a movie when we get home”. I regretted these words as soon as they left my mouth. As we drove home from the shops, I had a feeling that this suggestion to my girlfriend … Continue reading

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Frantic

8 / 10 (1988) Look at the poster for this movie. Just look at it. Look at Harrison Ford. Look at his concerned face. Look at his crumpled suit, his out-of-place hair, the beautiful woman lurking in the shadows. Before you … Continue reading

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Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

5 / 10 (2012) What would you do if you only had 3 weeks left to live?  See the world?  Chase lost love?  Rob a bank?  Experiment with heroin?  Stab Tom Waterhouse? This is the situation faced by Dodge (Steve Carell). … Continue reading

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