Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Guest review by Hoops.

1 / 10

What a massive let down.

As a young kid, I would watch The Sound of Music all the way through just to get to the exciting bit at the end where Kurt blows his whistle and the Nazis give chase, only to be foiled by those sneaky nuns who sabotage the Nazis’ car so the cherubic von Trapps can scurry over the Alps.  And, OK, the oldest sister Liesl was cute too.

Relevance, you ask?  Star Wars is mostly about the light sabers, the laser blasts that deflect off them, force powers and Jedi mind tricks!  The richness added to make a great Star Wars film is an intriguing story and the revelations about the characters through their epic clash between good and evil.  Episode II lacked both.

I love Natalie Portman, but she was terribly annoying.  I mean, in the first film she was kind of cool with her little body double and fierce desire to save the poor Nabooians.  But in this film, I just wanted to punch her.  Hayden Christensen similarly lacked any attraction (he deserved the Razzie for that role, as did the screenplay).

Essentially Episode II went like this:

Anakin: I love you Padme.
Padme: We can never be together.
(Repeat sufficient times so audience desire beating selves in head)

Anakin: Marry me.
Padme: OK.

Ultimately the only enjoyable part of this movie was the battle finale.  I felt cheated by this film – it was pure gap filler.  I think a lot more people would have walked out halfway through had they not been staying for Yoda v Count Dooku and the clone-droid battle.

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